How Do You Love Someone Who Has Hurt You?

Jesus calls us beyond natural love and teaches us to love and pray for people who have hurt us, opposed us, or made life difficult.

Love Beyond What Comes Easy

Jesus does not only say:

“Do not return wrong for wrong.”

He goes further.

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Loving people who love us is natural.

Loving people who treat us well is easy.

Loving people who encourage us, agree with us, support us, and make life easier for us is not difficult to understand.

But Jesus calls us beyond what comes naturally.

He calls us to love difficult people.

To pray for people who have hurt us.

To reflect the Father’s heart toward people who may not return that love, appreciate it, or even understand it.

That kind of love does not come from the flesh.

It comes from God.

Loving Your Enemies Is More Than Being Civil

Jesus is not simply telling us:

“Keep your distance.”

“Try not to make things worse.”

“Just be polite.”

He calls us to love.

And to pray.

That is a much deeper command.

It moves us beyond natural affection into a kind of love that can only be formed in us by God.

When Jesus tells us to love our enemies, He is calling us to agape love.

Not merely friendship.

Not family affection.

Not love based on how someone makes us feel.

Agape love chooses to seek what honors God and what is truly good for another person even when they have not earned it.

Love Does Not Mean Approving What Is Wrong

Loving someone does not mean approving evil.

It does not mean trusting unsafe people.

It does not mean removing every boundary.

It does not mean pretending the hurt never happened.

And it does not mean calling wrong right.

But it does mean refusing to let our hearts be ruled by hatred.

Bitterness.

Contempt.

Revenge.

Jesus corrects the idea that love is only for people who deserve it.

He calls us to a love bigger than our feelings and stronger than the way we have been treated.

Love Should Resemble the Father

Jesus explains why this kind of love matters.

He says that when we love this way, we show that we are children of our Father in heaven.

The command is rooted in God’s character.

We do not love our enemies because they deserve it.

We do not love them because they are easy to love.

We love because we belong to the Father.

And children should begin to resemble their Father.

Jesus points to a simple picture.

The sun rises on the evil and the good.

The rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous.

God shows kindness every day to people who may not recognize Him, thank Him, obey Him, or even believe in Him.

The Father’s kindness is not limited to people who have earned it.

The Father’s Heart Changes the Way We Love

We often measure our response by the way we have been treated.

If someone respects us, we respect them.

If someone is gracious, we find it easier to be gracious.

If someone wounds us, we pull back.

Close off.

Protect ourselves.

But Jesus does not root enemy-love in the behavior of our enemies.

He roots it in the character of our Father.

If we belong to Him, something of His heart should begin showing up in us.

That does not happen naturally.

It has to be formed in us by God.

And when it is, people begin to see a kind of love that points beyond us and back to Him.

Loving Only People Who Love Us Is Not Enough

Jesus asks:

“If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?”

He is not saying there is anything wrong with loving family and friends.

Healthy relationships are gifts from God.

But if our love only reaches people who already love us back, then our love does not look much different from the world around us.

There is nothing distinctly Christian about only loving where love is returned.

Jesus presses us with a deeper question:

Does your love look any different because you belong to Me?

Love Is Part of Our Witness

Jesus said people would know we are His disciples by our love.

Not by how much Scripture we have memorized.

Not by how long our prayers are.

Not by how often we attend church.

Those things matter.

But love reveals something about who we belong to.

The way we treat people carries the name of Jesus into the world.

The way we treat difficult people matters.

The way we respond to people who hurt us matters.

The way we speak about people who oppose us matters.

Love is part of the family resemblance of the people of God.

Do More Than Avoid Retaliation

The previous section of the Sermon on the Mount teaches us not to retaliate.

This one takes us further.

The application is not only:

“Do not react badly.”

It becomes:

“Lord, help me love this person in a way that reflects You.”

When someone has hurt us, frustrated us, opposed us, or made life difficult, we can ask:

How do You want me to see this person?

How do You want me to pray for them?

How can my heart toward them look more like Yours?

Hurt Should Not Become the Lens for Someone’s Whole Life

When we see a person only through the lens of what they did to us, bitterness can grow quickly.

But when we ask God to help us see them as He sees them, something begins to change.

That does not make what they did right.

It does not remove wisdom.

It does not remove boundaries.

It does not erase truth.

But it keeps their wrong from becoming the lens through which we see their entire life.

People are more than the worst thing they have done to us.

Truth and Love Belong Together

Following Jesus does not require us to compromise biblical truth.

We do not have to agree with everyone.

We do not have to pretend sin is not sin.

But standing on truth never gives us permission to treat people with contempt.

Biblical conviction does not justify cruelty.

Faithfulness to God does not give us permission to mock.

Belittle.

Despise.

Or treat people as though they are beyond the reach of grace.

We do not have to compromise truth to show love, and we do not have to abandon love to stand for truth.

People Are Not the Enemy

Scripture reminds us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood.

That matters.

Because if we forget it, we begin treating people like the enemy.

People who disagree with us.

People who frustrate us.

People who have hurt us.

People who see the world differently.

The real spiritual battle is deeper than that.

People are not the enemy. People are the mission field.

That changes the way we pray.

The way we speak.

The way we respond.

The way we love.

We Cannot Love Like This in Our Own Strength

If we are honest, enemy-love quickly exposes our limitations.

At some point, we run out of ourselves.

We run out of patience.

Kindness.

Compassion.

The ability to keep our hearts soft toward people who have hurt us.

That is why the answer is not simply:

“Try harder.”

The answer is:

Lean more on Him.

Jesus Loved Us Before We Were Easy to Love

Romans 5:8 tells us:

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Jesus did not wait until we were easy to love.

He did not wait until we were worthy.

He did not wait until we agreed with Him.

He did not wait until we cleaned ourselves up.

He moved toward us while we were still sinners.

So when Jesus calls us to love our enemies, He is not asking us to do something He has never done.

He loved us first.

The Holy Spirit Forms This Love in Us

God does not command enemy-love and then leave us alone to produce it.

His Spirit helps us.

Comforts us.

Convicts us.

Changes us.

Forms the character of Christ in us.

That does not mean the pain disappears overnight.

It does not mean trust is instantly restored.

It does not mean loving becomes easy.

But it does mean hatred is not our only option.

Bitterness does not have to own us forever.

We are not powerless because the Holy Spirit is at work in us.

“Be Perfect” Means Growing Into Maturity

Jesus closes this section by saying:

“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

That can sound impossible if we hear it as:

“Be flawless in your own strength.”

But Jesus is calling us toward maturity.

Completeness.

Wholeness.

A love that grows into the family likeness of the Father.

The goal is not:

“I need to become stronger in myself.”

The goal is:

“I need to become more surrendered to Jesus.”

When I Run Out of Myself, I Have Not Run Out of God

The question is not:

“Can I naturally love every person who has hurt me?”

In ourselves, probably not.

The better question is:

“Can I surrender enough of myself today for the love of Christ to be seen through me?”

Can I die to my need to win the argument?

My need to get the last word?

The anger.

The frustration.

The sarcasm.

The contempt that wants to rise up in me?

Can I lay those things down long enough for someone to see Jesus in me?

Loving Someone Who Hurt You Is Not Weakness

Jesus loved through surrender.

Through sacrifice.

Through the cross.

And if we are going to show His love to others, there will be moments when we have to die to ourselves so Christ can be seen more clearly through us.

That does not mean becoming unsafe.

It does not mean abandoning wisdom.

It does not mean restoring trust where trust has not been rebuilt.

It means refusing to let hatred have the final word.

Loving our enemies is not weakness.

It is one of the clearest ways the world sees the heart of the Father in us.

Want to Keep Exploring Jesus’ Teaching?

Continue through our Kingdom Living series, watch the message, or join us this Sunday at Victory Christian Center in Phillips, Wisconsin.